After hours of thinking and crying about how my girlfriend disrespected me, treated me second to her friends and ex-boyfriend, stole my money, and a whole bunch of other stuff, I wrote my philosophical statement on Love.
Love is strange but in many ways, I find it to be the double edge sword. For every joy it brings, something sour is sure to follow. Love is complicated but mystical. By our own logic, application of science and intelligence, love still cannot be defined. It is as if love is divine in nature and humanely experienced. It is neither good nor bad. Instead, it encompasses a variety of complex emotions, experiences, and desires. It cannot be simply understood neither well known. I feel that she is my soul mate, the one creation that makes me whole, complete and existent in the world. On another dimension, her challenges, flaws, and actions allowed me to grow, develop and experience a new phenomenon of what it is to be human. In addition, this relationship has caused me to be happy on many occasions. As evident by the multiple dimensions in which love operates, the complexity it brings has man fathoming for eternity. No one could possibly know why something as beautiful as love, with its elegant pleasures, and divine nature could bring something so atrocious and painful. Furthermore, maybe man has view this atrocity and pain as bad, as the opposite of love, rather accepting the beauty of its complex and holistic nature as evidence of its divine and inhuman existence.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Greetings to my Audience,
Before I begin, just wanted to tell you something about myself. I was in foster care for 10 years and immediately after emancipation (liberating word that really means abysmal times for former foster youth out of care) I attended college. It took me five years to complete my Bachelor's in Social Work and a certificate in Child Maltreatment and Family Violence. I took no time off and attended graduate school.
Today is the 37th day after my college graduation as a Master of Social Work student. I have to be honest and mention that these 37 days have certainly tested my faith and character. Having a girlfriend steal money from me, and leave me in a financial nightmare, has caused me to look for help as usual, above the skies and into the heavens. If I was a normal person, I would have probably pawned my possessions, committed an egregious crime, or cried endlessly until my eyes were as dry as the desert. However, I am blessed to have a relationship with Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior. I am grateful that he has placed wonderful and admirable people in my life to help sustain my living until I am employed as a children's social worker. Currently, I am in limbo with my current/ex-girlfriend and my mind tells me to leave but my heart tells me otherwise. Starting in the month of June, before graduation, I was short hundreds of dollars for rent, had no money for food, gas to put in the car to go to school and certainly, no money to pay bills. The same reality was to hit for the month of July and August.
My situation was bleak and although the month of June was supposed to be festival, I found it to be a test of my faith. I am truly blessed, for God has given me mentors and friends who generously and without hesitation, gave financial and material support to help me during the time of my needs. Yes, I am struggling to the everyday person, but I am a child in the Kingdom of heaven, and as such, I have the favor of God upon me. I can not stress the importance of having the prince of peace amidst any struggle. During our darkest hour, most troubling experience, lies eternal hope. Our faith is hope for a better tomorrow, future, situation, relationship, and self. Our current situation is not predicated on our emotions, knowledge, or even our judgment, but on Jesus Christ's assurance that: 1. He will never leave us and never forsake us; and 2. "That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ." Wow, what amazing promises from our Lord Jesus Christ! We are given the promise of eternal hope from Christ himself. He will never forsake us and the trial of our faith is not only worth more than gold but we will be rewarded at the appearing of Christ.
I really want to sink this message into you. I am not perfect, instead, an imperfect and as Christ said: "For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God." Below is a message that I have sent to one of my most dearest friends:
I am going to be homeless, there is no way out of this. I am 300 dollars short and I have no other options. I did all I could and I am sinking faster than the titanic. That is the problem as well, even if ILP services can help, that is almost a month process as well as other services. Time is what I don't have.
I was overwhelmed with fear and lack of faith. I had to be reminded that if I believe what I pray, then it will come to pass and that was what happened. Although my situation was unfortunate, and troublesome, I had to find the eternal hope in Christ and sink my teeth in really hard. I had to humble myself amidst the storm and recall the time Jesus quieted the winds when he was sleeping on the boat and his disciples lacked the faith.
I am eager to begin work and just to update my status: I have to take my psychological and medical tests by Wednesday to become certified and begin training on Thursday. Wish me good luck and I can not wait to write again. God Bless and take Care.