Training

WOW, what an amazing journey I had over the past two months. I began training for my new position as a children's social worker near the end of August and now, training is finished and I am expected to assume the role as a social worker. Reflecting on the countless presentations, training modules, policy reviews and subject evaluations, I still feel unprepared. I'll admit that I am prepared academically, obtaining all the wisdom I can from the countless articles, books, policies, manuals and training materials but psychologically or even physically, I am still in the nebulous zone of unfamiliarity. The ideal state for training is stability, normal life experiences and infrequent encounters with crises or abrupt changes in our homeostasis.

However, these past months, I have experienced the lawful injustices of our legal system, tension and stress, familial problems, the chaotic, sometime neurotic experiences with my former ex-girlfriend and financial burdens that even President Obama could not save me from, no offense. I also experienced the addition of two strong new members on my cheerleading squad, which enabled me to endure this torturous blowback from life. The jocundity of these two members, anchored me during stormy waters, navigated me through perilous nights and their warmth infected my soul with a growing passion to thrive amidst the dry soil. So, with all this in the back of my mind, it was rather difficult to focus solely on my training. More importantly the anxiety of losing my position due to my legal difficulties occupied most of my mind.  In light of this, I was blessed by God himself, to remain steadfast in my pursuit to conquer my dreams and continue my uphill battle to glory. My faith has been the only source of strength and refuge: it it was not for my faith, hope would have remained unwelcomed.

During the beginning of this month, I have made significant changes to my life. These changes were an opportunity to rectify or at least, alter my state of being. My mother moved out, I finally left my girlfriend for good, and I am trying my best to reach some financial stability. Working without these two relational stresses gives me more perspicuity rather than perception. My first week as a social worker not in training was relaxed and I have not inherited cases yet. However, I am told I might get a full case load, meaning 38 children to care for. I am anxious to start working with live clients and put in practice what I absorbed in my MSW curriculum, DCFS internship and my DCFS training. I leave this entry with a quote I stumbled on unconsciously:

            When life wants to throw wrenches, ask for the nuts and bolts!

My thoughts on Love

After hours of thinking and crying about how my girlfriend disrespected me, treated me second to her friends and ex-boyfriend, stole my money, and a whole bunch of other stuff, I wrote my philosophical statement on Love.

Love is strange but in many ways, I find it to be the double edge sword.  For every joy it brings, something sour is sure to follow.  Love is complicated but mystical.  By our own logic, application of science and intelligence, love still cannot be defined.  It is as if love is divine in nature and humanely experienced.  It is neither good nor bad.  Instead, it encompasses a variety of complex emotions, experiences, and desires.  It cannot be simply understood neither well known.  I feel that she is my soul mate, the one creation that makes me whole, complete and existent in the world.  On another dimension, her challenges, flaws, and actions allowed me to grow, develop and experience a new phenomenon of what it is to be human.  In addition, this relationship has caused me to be happy on many occasions.  As evident by the multiple dimensions in which love operates, the complexity it brings has man fathoming for eternity.  No one could possibly know why something as beautiful as love, with its elegant pleasures, and divine nature could bring something so atrocious and painful.  Furthermore, maybe man has view this atrocity and pain as bad, as the opposite of love, rather accepting the beauty of its complex and holistic nature as evidence of its divine and inhuman existence.

Amidst the Struggle Lies Eternal Hope

Greetings to my Audience,

Before I begin, just wanted to tell you something about myself. I was in foster care for 10 years and immediately after emancipation (liberating word that really means abysmal times for former foster youth out of care) I attended college. It took me five years to complete my Bachelor's in Social Work and a certificate in Child Maltreatment and Family Violence. I took no time off and attended graduate school.

Today is the 37th day after my college graduation as a Master of Social Work student. I have to be honest and mention that these 37 days have certainly tested my faith and character. Having a girlfriend steal money from me, and leave me in a financial nightmare, has caused me to look for help as usual, above the skies and into the heavens. If I was a normal person, I would have probably pawned my possessions, committed an egregious crime, or cried endlessly until my eyes were as dry as the desert. However, I am blessed to have a relationship with Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior. I am grateful that he has placed wonderful and admirable people in my life to help sustain my living until I am employed as a children's social worker. Currently, I am in limbo with my current/ex-girlfriend and my mind tells me to leave but my heart tells me otherwise. Starting in the month of June, before graduation, I was short hundreds of dollars for rent, had no money for food, gas to put in the car to go to school and certainly, no money to pay bills. The same reality was to hit for the month of July and August.

My situation was bleak and although the month of June was supposed to be festival, I found it to be a test of my faith. I am truly blessed, for God has given me mentors and friends who generously and without hesitation, gave financial and material support to help me during the time of my needs. Yes, I am struggling to the everyday person, but I am a child in the Kingdom of heaven, and as such, I have the favor of God upon me. I can not stress the importance of having the prince of peace amidst any struggle. During our darkest hour, most troubling experience, lies eternal hope.  Our faith is hope for a better tomorrow, future, situation, relationship, and self. Our current situation is not predicated on our emotions, knowledge, or even our judgment, but on Jesus Christ's assurance that: 1. He will never leave us and never forsake us; and 2. "That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ." Wow, what amazing promises from our Lord Jesus Christ! We are given the promise of eternal hope from Christ himself. He will never forsake us and the trial of our faith is not only worth more than gold but we will be rewarded at the appearing of Christ. 

I really want to sink this message into you. I am not perfect, instead, an imperfect and as Christ said: "For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God." Below is a message that I have sent to one of my most dearest friends:

I am going to be homeless, there is no way out of this. I am 300 dollars short and I have no other options. I did all I could and I am sinking faster than the titanic. That is the problem as well, even if ILP services can help, that is almost a month process as well as other services. Time is what I don't have.

I was overwhelmed with fear and lack of faith. I had to be reminded that if I believe what I pray, then it will come to pass and that was what happened. Although my situation was unfortunate, and troublesome, I had to find the eternal hope in Christ and sink my teeth in really hard. I had to humble myself amidst the storm and recall the time Jesus quieted the winds when he was sleeping on the boat and his disciples lacked the faith. 

I am eager to begin work and just to update my status: I have to take my psychological and medical tests by Wednesday to become certified and begin training on Thursday. Wish me good luck and I can not wait to write again. God Bless and take Care.